Don't say a prayer for me now save it til the morning after
by Miarka
Summary: Five conversations Rey and Kylo share after sleeping together.
1. Chapter 1

**Each chapter works pretty well as it's own self contained one-shot but there is an overall story. I kept time distances and setting mostly ambiguous so the reader can picture the scenes themselves and make their own decisions on where characters are in the stages of their relationship. I would be absolutely thrilled to see any readers comments on their interpretation. Each chapter is mostly just Rey and Kylo with a cameo but important appearance for General Leia in one chapter. I'll try to have a new chapter up everyday or every other day. Thank you so much for reading, let's be reylo trash together xx**

 **Titles comes from Duran Duran song Save A Prayer (super cheesy I know but the words fit so well not necessarily the song itself).**

 **Finally the work is dedicated to David Bowie, who really doesn't have much to do with Star Wars and I'm not sure how he'd feel about having a poor piece of angsty trash fanfiction dedicated to him, but oh well, I'm going to miss you my starman!**

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"Join me." Kylo asked, almost pleading with her, as their bodies pulled away.

Rey held her tongue, wanting to sigh, she'd heard this all before in every possible way there was to say it. "I can't." She turned her face away and closed her eyes.

"I need you." He said, sitting up slightly and leaning towards her.

She looked at him, a weak smile playing on her lips "I know. I need you too. I love you."

"Stay, be with me." He whispered, delivering fleeting kisses on her lips. He pulled back to look at her face, his jaw set, eyes glaring into hers. "There's only so much you can learn as a Jedi. Come to the dark side. I'll show you who you truly are, who you're meant to be."

Rey shook her head. "You know I can't, you that is not who I am." She gasped, trying to clear her mind. "I think if I could be turned to the dark side I would have done it already, I would have joined you." She fell into his arms, so afraid and yet so relaxed in his presence. "Never doubt what you mean to me."

"You do not love me." He said, his body stiffening. "If you did you would come with me. I see your mind, to you I am nothing more than a dull creature hiding in shadows."

She pulled back, staring at his face, trying very hard to fight the urge to slap him. "You are blinded by darkness."

"There is darkness in you too." Kylo snarled back. "Hatred, anger and fear. I feel it. You have so much power. But you don't use the half of it. Rey." His toned softened with the sound of her name on his lips, he tried to hide the fact that he was almost begging.

Rey softened a little too, the anger ebbed away, leaving only pain and sorrow. "I have no want for power." She explained. "And the darkness you feel is fear for you."

Kylo's head stirred, his eyes flashing upwards to meet hers.

Rey chewed on her lip, feeling the storm of emotions inside her. "You should not come to me. I know what they do to you. When you disobey your master's orders, when you return to him he tortures you. At night when I sleep I can see inside your head, I feel what they are doing to you, I feel your pain."

"I can endure the pain." He answered quickly. "The pain makes me strong with the force. And it is worth it for you."

Her quick tongue wanted to throw more spite at him for being so stupid. But then she paused and reflected on it. If the resistance were cruel, if they tortured her out of her lack of respect and disregard for orders she would endure. If she bowed under pressure it would mean pain for Kylo, and she wouldn't allow that. Pain for herself she could take, but not pain for Kylo. She'd shield him, the way he shielded her from the first order.

Rey sighed, letting her body fall back. In Kylo's presence she felt something beyond happiness, beyond enlightenment, it was everything. Yet at the same time she felt so much sorrow pressuring to overwhelm her.

Kylo crept over to her. His face gliding inches over her body, pressing his lips to her hair, her neck, her back.

"I want a way out of this as badly as you." He whispered, settling down next to her. "I can see it so clearly. You join me. And with your help I can destroy Snoke. And both of us will be free, no more sorrow, no more pain. Just you and me, and our love, and the galaxy at our feet."

She rolled over to face him. "I love you. It's true. You do know that?"

"Yes." He said and smiled, genuinely smiled, it was a rare sight even for her.

Rey pulled her body over his and kissed him, slowly, gripping onto him. "I love you. But I can't join you, I can't do that."


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm just going to be honest and say it upfront - I really don't like this chapter, I started off well and got away from me in the middle and I kinda got it back by the end. I rewrote it several times and decided it would have to do. Other chapters will be so much better, promise xx**

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"I'll help you kill Snoke."

Kylo stirred from half sleep, unpressing his head from the pillow and shaking his long dark hair off his face. He gazed at her in awe for a split second as he processed what she'd said.

"There's more." Rey cut in quickly as he opened his mouth. "I'll go with you, to the first order, and when it's done I want you to come back with me, to the resistance."

A pallet of emotions flashed across, anger, fear, temptation. "No." He breathed.

Rey huffed and turned away from him.

He licked his lips and thought hard. Kylo didn't want to admit it, especially to himself, but it was a good plan and he wanted to go with her. But not to the resistance, to his mother and his uncle and a family that wasn't his family anymore but would surely treat him so if he went there because they were so foolishly kind like that. And there were others there, people whose families he'd also destroyed. Mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, cousins, aunts, uncles that he'd murdered in cold blood and had nothing but hate in their hearts for his living being and with good reason. He wanted Rey. Rey was everything but he couldn't face the rest of them.

"Let's leave." Kylo finally said, touching Rey's shoulder and she turned around. "Let's go to Coruscant. We'll abandon the first order and the resistance and we'll live our lives there."

"I can't go to Coruscant." Rey said. "They'll find us there."

"The outer rim then." Kylo cut in, talking fast out of excitement and fear. "Just you and me. We don't need anything else."

Rey stared, all the times Kylo had talked of owning the galaxy together, and now he'd rather throw it all away than come back with her.

"You're a coward." She said.

That shut him up. If it were even possible his face turned a shade paler and he swallowed uncomfortably.

"You would do anything to avoid going back there." Rey told him, her voice becoming tight. "You talk of the dark side, of how it makes you strong, but I see you. You hide it very well, but inside you are weak, afraid and a coward."

"I know." He said with a cold tone, visibly shivering in front of her. "Rey, I know I am a coward. But you don't fully understand, the dark side, I cannot go back, I can't face them." He looked her dead in the eye. "Rey please, do not try to change me, you'll only destroy yourself."

Rey sighed and lay her head back down on the pillow. "You can't stop me trying to save you, Ben Solo." She said with a grimace of a smile. Her eyes flashed up to his and she held out her arms. He came to her, settling down to rest in her embrace, his body hiding in her skin. "I suppose we're both fools then."


	3. Chapter 3

She rolled off him, gasping. Her body hot against cold sheets. As she stared at the shiny ceiling above her she felt as if she could open it up and see her whole life laid out before her, and it frightened her.

"What are we going to have?" She breathed.

"Hmm?" Kylo tried to control heavy breaths, turning his eyes to Rey.

She did not meet his gaze, transfixed on the ceiling.

"Three years, Kylo." She answered. "Three years we've been fighting. We've been training, always with the same strength, never overpowering the other. Three years we're hidden a secret from our opposing sides of a war." She turned her head on the pillow, looking him dead in the eyes. "And for what? Is this our lives? Is this all they'll ever be? I can't see how this all will end, but chances are it can't end good. Even if it does, if we're both still standing at the end of long lives, what will it amount to? Hidden secrets? And nothing more?"

Kylo's breathing slowed but he remained silent in quiet thought, until finally he turned his eyes from her, looking at the same ceiling, and he spoke. "Always when I'm away from you I dream of you. It started when you went to the first jedi temple and complete your training. You have plagued me like a sweet virus ever since. Sometimes it's just dreams about you, your body, a want I didn't think I could ever have. But then I also see you, and it's really you. I remember I saw you on that island, I smelt the salt spray of the ocean and the call of birds. I knew you were with him, but I didn't know where you were."

"I know. I have that dream too." Rey said with a comforting voice, pressing a hand to his cheek and turning his face to look at her. "I remember at first it was only pretend, a vision of you who came to me at night and loved me and filled my desires. And then one night I saw the real you, your scars and your pain and you training with the dark side. I felt so guilty and afraid back then for wanting you, but I also never slept so well in all my life."

He hushed her, brushing his fingertips over her lips. "There's more. Rey, do you ever dream when you're with me?"

"Yes, I believe so, but I always forget as soon as I wake up."

"I don't." Kylo said his voice becoming tense. "Sometimes I see you with our child. But I am not with you, I abandon you in order to hide our child from the first order. And you are in such pain believing that I never loved you, that I only used you. And then the jedi ghosts and sith ghosts of old come to steal our baby away for their own gain, and I cannot be there to protect you."

"It's a dream, Kylo, nothing more." Rey whispered, pulling him close to her. "We're in no condition to be having a child and that's not going to happen."

"That's beside the point." Kylo answered harshly. "The point is that this dream, it's a nightmare, it scares me. A dream of child with the one you love should bring me joy, but all it gives me is fear."

"You are full of fear, Kylo." Rey told him, shaking her head and casting her eyes down in despair before gazing back up at him. "Please let me help you. Come to the resistance with me. I know you're afraid but I promise you I will protect you. I will shield you from all that you fear. I will help you and guide you. I know there is still light in you, I can feel it. I feel it calling to me. Just let me help you."

Kylo shook his head. "Rey, I love you, I want you. I want to spend every moment of my life with you. But don't ask that of me. You can't save me."

Rey nodded. "I know. That's on you, only you can save yourself, all I offer is help."

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 **It's mentioned in the script or novelization or something that Luke recognizes Rey so it's pretty much canon that Rey was a student with Luke the first time, hence the mention of her completing her training in this chapter (I like that it makes her and Kylo even more of a parallel of each other as both of them are at the same stages of their training with the force but on completely opposite sides). Well I guess that's all I have to say on this chapter. Hope you enjoyed it. Comments are appreciated as always xx**


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter was awkwardly fun to write! I hope you enjoy xx**

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She woke up late. Rey usually woke very early, growing up on sun scorched Jakku still took some toll on her. Kylo was the exact opposite. Rey knew he had a rigorous schedule within the first order and he never got enough sleep, except when he was with her, when they had time she let him sleep far into the morning. It was the same case today however Rey also slept. Thick blinds of her Coruscant apartment and her head buried into Kylo's body was what she blamed it on, never mind the fact that she was so comfortable.

She was mostly dressed when a piercing ring came at the door. Rey mumbled a string of bad words as she wrapped her jedi robes over her vest shirt. Rushing past a still heavily asleep Kylo and into her lounge expecting to find one of the general's officers at the door waiting on her. What Rey didn't anticipate as she unlocked her apartment door was General Leia herself standing at the threshold with a none too pleased expression on her face.

"What the blazes is keeping you?" Leia asked waltzing into the room. "I've been waiting for you in the park and the council session starts any minute."

Rey had handled a lot of things in her young lifetime but this was too much. General Leia unknowingly stood a room away from her son who had disowned her and murdered his father. Rey remained rooted to her spot at the door, gulping like a fish and wondering what to do. If she revealed Kylo to Leia he would never forgive her. Yet she shouldn't be keeping a secret this big and obvious from her general. Leia was sure to find out on her, she was a Skywalker after all, and strong with the force. But there was also the embarrassing fact that Kylo was her lover, he was asleep naked in her room, she couldn't construct such an embarrassing reunion between mother and son.

"Well hurry up and let's go." Leia said impatiently turning to her.

Rey snapped her mouth shut and scurried into action. Crossing to her bedroom she closed the door behind her as swiftly as she could, hoping Leia didn't get a glance at the pale body draped across her bed. Kylo was still fast asleep and she left him there, hurrying as she pulled her boots on and then dashing into the bathroom to make ready her hair and face.

"Who's out there?" Kylo questioned as Rey came out of the bathroom.

Rey jumped upon finding Kylo awake. He looked stunned, his body so much paler than usual and his hands shaking, he looked up at Rey with large petrified eyes.

"You know full well who it is." Rey sighed.

"Tell me." Kylo gulped.

"Your mother."

A silence fell between them, pulling away time Rey didn't have.

"Hide on the other side of the bed." Rey told him.

"What?"

"Just do it." She hissed.

Kylo rolled over, pulling his pants up onto his hips and sliding down by the side of the bed away from the door.

"This isn't going to work." Kylo whispered. "She's powerful."

"You got anything better?" Rey exclaimed. "I'm late. I'll see you later." She rushed out the door. "Okay let's go." She said to Leia with flushed face, bolting for her front door.

Once Rey was out of the room Kylo stayed down for less than a split second. Clambering over the bed and pressing his ear to the bedroom door he heard the front door unlock. He knew exactly what he shouldn't do but he'd never been one for rules. He was so close and he had to at least catch a glimpse of the woman he once thought of as mother. He opened the door.

Rey passed through the front door followed closely behind by the figure of his mother. However despite Kylo's best efforts Leia felt a small nudge in the force and turned. Kylo looked into a face that had aged greatly since that last time he saw it, through stress and pain and loss. But in the woman's eyes there was a lot of hope, in those eyes there was recognition, there was familiarity that Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, even Rey couldn't offer to him. Those eyes were dark and clear and unmistakably mirrored his own. When he looked into those eyes surrounded by a face he barely recognised he knew that wasn't a woman who he'd disowned, that was his mother.

Leia's eyes blinked back recognition for the split second that they held contact with the man who had once been her son. And then the door closed automatically. Both of them tried to deny what they knew they'd seen. Leia and Rey had to go to the council meeting. Kylo ran.

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 **Lots of people in the fandom have been talking about how Adam Driver does look a lot like young Harrison Ford when you match their facial profiles up, however I'm just going to point out that Harrison Ford has light eyes while Carrie Fisher and Adam Driver both have dark eyes. This fact pleases me beyond words!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A thousand apologies for not getting this chapter up yesterday, I had a really busy day. So here is the pay off. Thank you for all the kudos and especially the wonderful comments, I've loved sharing this adventure with you. I have plans for a slightly more lighthearted sequel but I am starting a new job soon, which is good for me because I need money, however it does leave less time for me to submerge myself is the trash compactor that is the reylo ship, so please dear readers bare with me if my writing slows from now on. Anyways enjoy this last chapter and thank you so much xx**

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She called out to him whenever she could. He never answered let alone go to her. Until one night a long dark silhouette cast across her bed. Kylo meant to tell her imminently, but she woke startled and the next thing he knew Rey was kissing him and he'd missed the taste of her so badly.

When she lay in his arms calming her breathing he caressed her face, asking her to look at him. She didn't understand but he was determined that this wouldn't be just another addition to the endless nights they spent together in secret and fear, this would be their last.

"Help me."

That was all Rey needed. She sat up, pressing her head against his, and moved through his mind. Finding his pain and fears and exposing the truth, it was all Snoke, it was Snoke that caused excruciating pain on him for his failures, it was Snoke that made him afraid should his secrets be discovered. One by one she pulled the dark memories from him and then pushed through to the light. There she was, in his dreams, in the brief times they'd spent together, in ideas he hadn't let himself linger on. And further there was light from long before her presence in his life, memories buried so deep he didn't even know he had them. The earliest memories of family and friends seen through the wide eyes of a child who only just begun to learn. But he was so loved.

When Rey was finished she found her own fears gone, fear for Kylo, fear of turning for him. The dark side that she'd felt always tugging at her was gone.

"Rey."

She drew her face away from his, realising she'd been in a trance. She looked at him questioningly, her name on his lips sounded like peace after an endless fight.

"I can feel the light, your light."

"Ben?"

"Yes."

Rey let out a gasp of happiness and they kissed. Loving Kylo had been such turmoil but now they both had nothing but hope.

For the first time in her presence he didn't sleep all night. He lay awake surrounding himself with her glorious light and thinking.

"I have to go." Ben said in the morning when she yawned and woke.

"What?"

"Snoke and the first order are still out there. He'll come after us, nothing good is safe while Snoke still has power."

"Alright." Rey agreed and cradled his hand in hers. "But I'm going with you."

Ben had the urge to tell her no, that it was too dangerous and that this was on him, but he knew she'd never go for it. Rey was so pleasingly stubborn in that way.

"Thank you." He replied, kissing her hands.

Rey felt the warmth of the newfound light in him spreading through her and leaned in to kiss him. "Ben Solo I'm never going to leave you again."


End file.
